Music Is My Life

Orange came into my live in November 2008 after Amie the cat. I have put Amie in the cage because of his behaviour, peeing here and there. Orange has two siblings, white and the other one is black in color but both of them has gone due to the infection from the Cat flu. Since that, I decided to adopt Orange and bring him to my room. I named him Orange because he was an Orange colored tabby kitten at that time. He grew up to be a very sweet kitty with an intelligence and charm that reach far into your heart. He loved to have his chin scratched and at times would nuzzle your hand and put his head under it so you would pet him.

I have never met a cat that was so smart. He was my alarm clock for a very long time. When I worked, he would meow very hard till I got up. When i put a pillow on my head, he would jumped on me and lick my fingers just to wake me up. At times he can be very annoying when he dropped few things from the side table of my bed. Orange usually stay in my room when i went to work and would stay there till I came back from work, I left him enuff water and cat food for him while I was away to work. My mom sometimes look after him when I was not around.

There was a time when kicking my cat seemd a cruel and demented idea. he'd curl around my legs while I was preparing a food for him and I'd nearly fell down on the floor. Looking down at him, annoyed, thoughts of punting him in the bathroom without a food would flash through my mind but he'd always win me over. Threading between my legs, unraveling his affections around me, my scowl would dissapear. I'd pick him up and mock scold him "Bad Orange, Orange good cat jua, mana buleh like that". A poke on his nose would get me a loving slap of his paw, claws carefully tucked away. I'd place him gently on the floor and gave him his food. How could I have ever entertained such demented idea? he was like a family.

Orange is like no other cats, I think. He is afraid of new faces and new people. When my friends came to my room, Orange would freaked out and try to hid somewhere. He'd meow very hard just to let me know that he was afraid and need to get out from my room. I picked him up and scratch his chin just to make him comfy. I asked my friend to scratched his chin too so that Orange wouldn't feel threatened and comfortable with new people around him and it works.

I remember when i brought back two kitties from the Animal Shelter to my room, I placed the basket on the floor of my bathroom. Orange came near to the basket and start to sniffed around the basket and felt suspicious what i brought back. I let the kitties out and there Orange starts to sniffed the two kitties and slap them with his claw. I picked up Orange and scold him "No Orange, Be good cat, they are your new friends now". I'd place him back to the kitties and Orange slowly moved away from the kitties. Next morning, when I was about to leave the house, Orange ran hurriedly and left the house from the back window of the dining room. He didn't came back after 1 day. I assumed he was mad at me and want me to put the kitties somewhere else. The next day, I put the kitties outside at our house verandah and waiting for Orange to come home. I heard Orange meow very hard in front of my door and let him in. I'd pick him up, hug him and put on the bed where i scratched him all over his body. I said to him "Don't run away from me again u silly cat, i missed u so much".

Orange loved to lie down on my chest while I watched TV. When it was time to go to bed, I would turn off the TV and say, "Orange, it's time to go to bed." I would then do my nightly routine, put him on his sleeping basket. When I switched off the lights and lie on my bed, there he would be already lying on the bed. When i feel down, sad or moody, he'd be there for me, he'd sit on my tummy and want me to scratch him. He sometimes curls around me, as if asking me whats going on. I looked at him, scratched him and played with him, my mood slowly fade away and again he'd win my heart.

As time went by so fast, Orange grew older. Orange is like an ordinary cat who needs companionship and of course a girlfriend. He would go out at anytime he wants and came back to my room when he felt hungry. I purposely left the window in my bathroom opened so that he could go out and came in thru there. He got use to his routine. Every morning, after he ate, he would jumped out to the window and left the house and would only come back after i came back home from work. He knew what time i came and as soon as i parked my car, i would call him and he quickly ran to me. Sometimes he takes his time sitting with a female cat and try to make a move and would only come back to my room thru the window at night.

Orange has always left the house mostly everyday and sometimes he only came home every night. There's a time when he came home after 2 days leaving the house, it worried me so much. I keep on searching for him, calling out his name sometimes even at midnight. The next morning, my maid found him waiting in front of the back door, waiting for someone to opened the door for him. I decided to put him in the cage for 2 days as for his punishment for not coming back home, yeah he was grounded from going out. After 2 days inside the cage, I let him out to my room, gave him food and as usual played with him, scratching him and gave him a bath. He didn't move or meow when i gave him a bath, he was just stood there till i finished giving him a bath and dried him up with a dry towel. The next day, he didn't get out from the house even I purposely left the window opened. When i went to my room, there he lie on my bed licking his claw and was glad to see me back home cos it was feeding time.

Last Wednesday, I was late to work, I saw Orange waiting for me to feed him. After I had my shower, I fed him canned food (cat food) then i left him and kiss him goodbye. On my way to work, i saw 3 dead cats on the road which obviously was hit by a car. One was at near perpindahan Lambak, the other one was at the Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah Highway and the other one was at Kiulap area. I can only say "kesian eh, jahat manusia ani". Back at home, Orange wasn't around, I waited for him to come back and at 9pm my maid knocked on my door and gave Orange to me. His body was covered with mud. I gave him a bath and dried him up. He then licked his paw and body. I then gave him food for him to eat, surprisingly he didn't want to eat. He was sitting next to me, threading his body to my hand telling me to scratch him. While doing my work, he just lie on the carpet next to me, sometimes he sat in between my hips. That night, while watching TV, Orange climbed on my body and lie down on my chest, I moved him next to me but he keeps on climbing on my chest. I pet him gently, he put his face down on his paw, just watching me. Then i was about to sleep, he moved down and slept next to me till the next morning.

As usual my alarm clock (Orange) wakes me up by meowing very loud, when i ignored him, he dropped things from the side table of the bed. I immediately woke up, took a shower, put on my shirt, pants and neck tie, getting ready to work. Before i left, i gave him food. He didn't want to eat. I picked him up and said "whats wrong orange, why dont you want to eat". I then kiss his head and put him down to his food. Still he doesn't want to eat. I scratched him and again kiss his head and said "Don't forget to eat" and warned him not to go to the road. Back at home, i fell asleep and went to sleep. I dreamt about Orange, he was just sitting there watching at me. I tried to grab him but I couldn't reach him. I then woke up and it was Maghrib prayers. Took a shower and do my Maghrib prayer. I pray to God for Orange safety and will bring Orange back home to me. At 9pm, no sign of Orange. At 11pm, I went outside the house and looking for him, calling out his name but still no sign of him. At midnight still no sign of him again, so I left the window open so that he can come in thru the window.

On Friday, still no sign of Orange. Day and Night, I keep on searching for him but to no avail. Orange hasnt come back home since Thursday evening. Yesterday, On my way back home from work, nearby my home, I saw a dead cat lying on the road. It was horrible, all the fleshes were squashed all over the road (nya urang hancur sudah). I saw it was like a brownish and white fur. At first I said to myself "naah that couldnt be Orange, Orange would never go far from the house". Beside it was at the highway near the Industrial Park at Lambak, why would he go there?? I parked my car at the garage and called out his name. He didn't showed up. It was 9pm and he still hasnt come back. Feeling worry, I looked through the entire house to no avail. I started looking outside, no luck. I went back inside my house with my heart sinking into my gut. I keep on denying the dead cat wasn't him and was hoping it wasn't him. Every hour i keep on searching and looking for him cos I know he is hiding somewhere. He just can't be too far away. It was midnight and still no sign of him. My heart was telling me it wasn't Orange that I saw, I keep on praying to God that the dead cat wasn't him and to bring him back to me. I find myself thinking of Orange every waking minute. I look out the windows frequently, walk looking for him at night. I dream of him when I am sleeping. My heart is a fluttered sinking mess, my gut is pitted with worry and despair. My emotions are like trying to scate on paper thin ice. It takes everything to not cry all day long. I have to be strong.

As I go through this, I keep telling myself that Orange is near. I have to believe this. It is all I have right now.....Hope. I want more than anything in the world to have my Orange back. I deeply miss my Orange. He brings me joy every single day. To not have him at my side, as my furry shadow, I am lost. As lost as he is right now. It helps that my friends keep telling me, don't give up, never give up, he will come back like before. I think to myself how unfair this feels, I want him back NOW.

This morning, first thing when i woke up, i opened my window and called out his name. Then went down and looked for him. I wont give up. I just know Orange is somewhere close by. I think he is hiding and scared. With the dogs in the area and neighbourhood cats, there is plenty to scare the little guy in the big bad world of the unknown. I came up with one solution which I play the waiting game. Searching, hoping, praying, waiting. This is the hardest thing I have had to go through. The reason I say this is, the uncertainty, the unanswered questions, wondering where he is, whats happening to him, when do I get him back? Is it really him that I saw yesterday? Will I ever see him again? My heart aches for his return. I feel incomplete without my precious Orange. I can't stand playing with this game anymore. At 5pm just now, I went out to buy car fuel and then I thought to myself, I should go to that road again, who knows it might be Orange, God Forbid. On the way there, I keep on hoping it was not Orange until I saw the fur of that dead cat. It was orange and white strip colored. It was the same color as Orange. With long tail. I can only see the fur, i couldn't see the head, the fleshes were gone. My heart starts to beat very fast sinking in my gut. I hold my emotions telling me not to cry.. i hold it up till i reached to my house. Went to my room, hold my emotions again. I still want to deny it wasn't Orange but it was proven it was him. Tears started to fell down slowly when I think of what i just saw. I couldn't believe Orange has gone now. He was just only 18 mths old. I blamed myself for not putting him in the cage and let him out that day. If only I put him in the cage, this won't happened to him. I keep on telling myself to let it go, accept the fact that Orange is dead. Let him go peacefully. And i did, even its hard for me to accept it but i have to.

It was strange that he left us around the time he and I always used to go to bed. I will never in my lives have another cat as sweet, as smart or as good as this little guy was. He was the best friend I had. Whenever I use to have problems, I would talk to him. He was the best psychiatrist I ever had. It is very hard to believe he is not with me. It was so hard to look at him and know he was gone. I shall remember him until the day I die.

He came into my lives at 8 weeks old and left at 18 months. The time went by so fast. For a small kitty, he was such a large presence in our home, and always let us know he was here. Orange lived such a good, short life with lots of love and lots of kisses. That is the story of gentle, sweet Orange

Thank you for reading my story. Below are the pictures of my loving cat. Thanks again for reading.

OMG.. it is so unbelievable. I was busy preparing for tomorrow's meeting until two of my friends in my msn asked me if I have updated my blog, i told them i have no time to check. I have no time to update my blog nor hoping to any blog lately until on the 15th July recently i posted someting in my blog, after that inda lagi cos i was busy with works. My friends told me to check on this blog (not mentioning the site of the blog). They told me it is a must for me to read cos it is probably about me.

I was shocked when i read a blog from a person accusing me for ruining their relationship, spoiling their anniversary night and accusing her for giving the bad influence to his boyfriend. What the hell..?? I was speechless and thought to myself, why did she accused me all that sedangkan i was the one who encouraged and supporting his boyfriend to spend time with her. Although what she wrote part of it is true but not all of it.

Its okay, if she thinks that way, than be that way. I can only keep quiet cos only GOD knows who is right and who is wrong but bear in mind, i have a prove in my hp, i can post and show the messages that i wrote to his boyfriend in my blog, i can do that u know but i dont want to hurt his boyfriend's feeling (my bestfriend), aku kan jaga hatinya and I dont want this conflict to carry on and to make his boyfriend hates me even more and have the grudge on me although he has already and have been ignoring and avoiding me ever since that incident. But if u wanna know more details and explaination, i will post it in my wordpress where it is post protected with password. I dont want the whole world to read and know whats goin on.

I'll just accept the blame on me but i cannot accept when you said I was ruining your anniversary night. How am i suppose to know that night was your anniversary night?? you and ur bf didn't tell me bout it when we were going out that afternoon, u guys insisted me to join both of you but I said you guys go ahead spend time together, didnt i said that? and about that nite when my car broke down, u do know what really happened, why do you have to manipulate the story? I'll post it in my wordpress and show u the messages that I sent it to ur bf. Its true, I wasnt implying it to you and your family, I know your siblings very well, they are a good friend of me, i am close wif your bro and sis and why would I blame you and your family for influencing him. You shouldn't jump to the conclusion when you know nothing, thats just not right. I know you are offended and paranoid about the txt msg (again in d wordpress) thats why u thought i blame you for his change. Yes i did mentioned about you and your family but it got nothing to do with u guys but you keep on thinking i put the blame on you and your family, what am I suppose to do? admit it? fine, i admit it then. I will post it more in my wordpress, whether u wanna read it or not, its up to you.

Enuff said, i just dont want this conflict to carry on memanjang anymore. I like you macam my own sis, i respect you, your family and your bf. I dont want to continue this argument just because of that silly msg and i dont want to argue wif you, whats the point of arguing over this? I don't want your relationship with him is affected because of this. And I dont want our friendship is affected because of this too. This can be settle in just a blink of an eyes, why do you have to memperbesarkan masalah ani, you are just making it worse. I'm sorry for what I did. I only did what ur bf told me to do and this is what I get. I'll just take the blame on me . To settle this problem, from now on, I'll just backoff, I'll leave him and forget bout him for your happiness, infact I am better off without him since he hates me so much now and has been ignoring, avoiding and giving me that grudge look, wait he didnt even think i am exist anymore. Ia macam inda mau meliat muka ku lagi. He probably already deleted me from his msn. Thats okay, aku redha and terima semua nya saja. Hanya Allah SWT sahaja yang tahu apa yang sebenarnya terjadi.

To your boyfriend, sorry i have to do this else inda pandai abis ni. Am i making the right decision? perhaps yes and no. Do i have a choice to make? no, i am doing this for your sake and her sake. Will i regret for making this decision? deep inside me, yes. I will but i dont have a choice, do i? why aren't you defending yourself? why should I? i am the one who cause this troubles, thats what she said, beside nobody will believe me, nobody will defend me too, so i surrender just for their sake cos I dont want your relationship with her is affected because of me. its better for me to back off aja k, sorry for everything. Hope you will forgive me and will not have a grudge at me anymore. Thanks for being my bestfriend, I am glad and happy to have friend like you, its really hard to say goodbye u know. Hope you are happy with her =). Take good care yeah, dont worry bout me, I will be alright. I have to move on and go wif the flow.. yeaahh thats what im doing rite now.

Semoga Allah memberi hidayah, petunjuk dan iman, melembutkan dan membuka hati kamu dua. Semoga Allah memaafkan kamu. Aminnn..

Just to update me blog since many of my friends are complaining I haven't been updating my blog. There's not much to tell actually cos I have been busy with work, work and work. Everyday keraja ku is to chase people, bukan menguyung or membubut urang but to chase the proposal letter, surat perwartaan, etc from other government in order the RKN project runs smoothly and to finish the project by 2010. Every week i have to write a report on the status of my project. Currently I am handling 6 projects for building a new branch for the JPP and 3 projects for the rumah pangsa for the JPP workers. I also visit the site project with the Deputy Minister and SUT and explain to them the current status of the project. Tiring but fun. I must always think and consider my job ani is fun supaya aku nda feel stress and can cope with me work.

Inda pulang ngaleh keraja ku ani, TIA KARANG..!!!! honestly, i lost 10kgs since ku masuk keraja sana, its good for my health but bad for my mentally health. I lost weight cos of stress and sometimes i dont even remember when to eat and sometimes inda ingat kan lapar. All i ever think was work. 10kgs is not bad, i tend to lose another 10 more kgs lagi when my big boss balik from cuti. Masa ani ia cuti so relax la sedikit, inda stress and pressure keraja.

Anyways, aku kan recap balik what happened for the past few weeks.

My adek angkat finally went back home to Brunei after 5 yrs inda jumpa ia.. he stays at my place currently. Good to have him around, ada jua dangan ku meliat cerita hantu hehe..

School holiday started last 19th June, so no traffics lagi di jalan raya, and aku slalu jalan dari rumah to work at 7.15am - 7.20am cos sampai office pun around 7.40am, so relax la sedikit.

News update, masa ari atu ku dgr 11 swine flu cases in Brunei recently, inda tau now berapa and from what I heard, School holiday kena extend.. yayyyy.. bleh lagi aher bangun sikit.. hehehe

I have been hunting cars recently and I have found the car i like, that is Nissan Cefiro with bodykits, used car pulang tu and i have booked that car but when i came yesterday ke sana lagi, that car udah kena beli.. (SHYT). Very very dissapointed.. so I choose Camry with rim sport, i like it and I even udah test drive kereta atu.. siuk eh, comfy for me and suits for meself. Actually at first my target was Grandis but sudah ku test drive Grandis, I didn't feel comfy and nda sesuai with that car.

Also Yesterday i was very very moody, cos me car flat down, inda mau di start lepas ku beli minyak kereta di lambak. As if macam that car menyamal because ia tau aku kan beli kereta baru atu, so ia merajuk and nda mau di start. So I waited for my brother to picked me up and antar ke rumah. Sampai rumah, took a shower, solat and then terus tefon IBB towing center and suruh tow kereta ku and antar ke workshop nearby. At the same time was pissed with someone cos antah malas kan cakap, just nda suka when people wont listen to me. Balik-balik sudah bagitau but kena ignore and nda kena peduli, yatah selfish tu namanya. But luckily ada my cat di sini comfort me, senangkan ati ku, my cat tau im not in a mood so ia dangani aku, bermanja sama aku and sleeps with me. Usually ia selalu bising minta keluar at around Subuh but this time inda, my cat tidur sama aku sampai ku bangun tidur at 830am, atu pun ia masih tidur. I'm glad to have a cat like that. Tapi manusia ani ntah, when im in deep shit or ada masalah, where are my friends?? Udah aku ada masalah, inda tia berguna, inda tia peduli, macam that person, tau sudah aku moody nda lagi peduli tu, cos ia sudah having fun, see how selfish kan.. atleast try to comfort me or bagi my mood balik but ia inda, bagi bad mood lagi ada plang.. oh well that was the past, malas di pikirin donk.. nda jua bagi mood ku baik..

Tadi bangun awal around 830am, then ke workshop antar my key ke sana. Check punya check apa masalah kereta ku, durang pun nda tau, so i guess i have to wait apa problem kereta ku. Balik ke rumah, kan ilangkan my bad mood by cleaning my room. Then lapas atu cuci jamban ku and then mandi, then baru tah ku update this blog. Then i call workshop atu, amoi sana ckp kereta ku masih lagi durang usai, alum dapat cari starter kereta ku, she said will call me by today if sudah siap. Sekali alum jua durang call eh.. that means kereta ku alum tah siap. DAMN..!!! cana tah ku kan keraja esuk ni.. sigh.. baik jua big boss cuti, if nda.. bermaraaa eeeh..

So thats bout it.. chowsss..!!!!

Aku atu saja buat topic ku macam ani because antah ah, makin lama ku inda update, makin lame rasanya blog ku ani, viewers pun makin kurang sudah masuk ke sini, because aku inda pandai update atu kali. Well as you notice, i have been busy working all day and even all nights. Everyday my works atu, ku bawa balik ke rumah so I can finish it and inda payah ku sambung esuknya lagi. But Alhamdulillah, last nite inda ku membawa balik my work because all my reports sudah siap and my big boss was soo pleased with my work, in fact di puji-pujinya, well i know ada makna di sebalik puji-pujiannya atu pulang.. berhajat tah ia tu karang.. jaga..

Anyways.. just got back from a wedding ceremony with my office mates. One of our mates kawin today, jauh eh, di Sg Kebun, but its fun though cos i have never been to Sg Kebun before especially lalu arah darat, kalau kan ke Sg Kebun pakai boat buleh plang but we chose not to use boat but pakai kereta saja lalu belakang at jalan kan ke Limbang.

13th May - Leena B's Birthday
17th May - Rina's Birthday
22nd May - Hanis Jefri's Bday

On the 24th May 2009, we celebrated Leena & Rina's birthday at Mila's crib. The food was excellent and yummy, thnx for contributing the food.

30th May 2009 - Chelsea won the FA Cup 2009 and is the Champion of the FA CUP. We went to watch the Live match between Chelsea & Everton at Au Lait Cafe. Sekali sekala meliat bula arah yang mahal-mahal. At first Saha scored for Everton in just 1 min kicked off time.. setedi hantap buii.. but in the end, Chelsea won the match, Lampard was the man of the match. He put Chelsea into the Champions of the FA Cup 2009.

31st May 2009 - Brunei celebrated the 48th Anniversary of the RBAF. Meaning its public holiday sampai Monday.. Yayyy tapi nda jua ku rasa holiday bah since I have to do reports saja. So, boring la tu.. anyways, Happy 48th Anniversary to all asgar lelaki dan wanita di Brunei.

but in the end the lasagne taste much better well jadi blackpepper lasagne plang tu.. hehehe.. well if only i leave the lasagne much longer di dalam oven, the pasta cud have been thorougly cooked but aku inda cos aher sudah and everyone is hungry, so the pasta inda semua masak, ada part2 nya yang masak.. but still the lasagne taste nice and yummy especially with lotsa cheese..

errr aku lupa mengambar when the lasagne udah masak. hehehe.. Picture above, ida spread the white sauce on top of the pasta. This was the last layer of the lasagne.

Well i think thats all about May reports.. will update again for the June reports.. banyak kan di updatekan banarnya.

I have latest songs.. semua sudah di masukkan dalam 4shared but alum ku published in my other website, if ku inda busy karang, Insyallah ada ku masukkan tu..

alright lovely readers.. taking care and have a great weekend.. enjoy urself..

It was my first day to report to work yesterday. The night before that, I try to sleep early but I couldn't close my eyes until 230am. I woke up around 545am, kan sambung tidur tah ni tapi takut inda terbangun balik. So went to mandi, had breakfast and then pakai baju. My office located somewhere at BSB, so i assumed jalan di Lambak atu traffic. I left my house at 7am and yes its already traffic along the traffic light near Soon Lee at Lambak. Took the route at Manggis 1 and passed over the bridge straight to Sg Akar and then went thru the highway at the back where the new RTB is. Di sana pun traffic jua. Then reached BSB at SMJA, surprisingly inda traffic. I reached my office at 730am. I didn't know where to park, so I parked my car at the back of my office where the BG's (Government vehicles) park.

Went to the admin building to report. I was asked to fill in the form, then i was asked to meet the head of the department. He was funny and friendly but he's going to retire next year, too bad. Then I went to see the Tim Ketua. He looks furious and serious but he's ok lah. Then I was asked to join the rest of the office mate for "bertahlil" thingy at the meeting room since its Thursday. After tahlil, we had this makan-makan and terus lah sessi kenal berkenalan with my office mate. After that, I then kena bawa to my department. I was told that i will handle the building and maintenance care for each branches. Belum lagi ku start keraja. I sat at the receptionist table since alum ku ada ofis lagi and the person that i will replaced masih ada dalam ofis.

That afternoon, I went to the Old Airport, where our department branches located (malas ku gtau dimana ku keraja btw) hehe.. u guys go figure lah, k. At the Old Airport, I was asked to attend the 'Penyampaian sijil' to the workers yang ikut induction course. So duduk sana and watched the Head department gave the certificate to them saja. After that, makan lagi. Then bergambar beramai-ramai. Then one of my office mate showed me around the office, kira terus berkenalan sama office mate disana and terus lah ku melawat tempat-tempat office atu. I met one of my crazy friend (alai Eyam) disana. When i met him, terus ia cakap "Samekom Tuan, baru start kerja kah ari ani" hahaha.. baie wah ia ah, i was just smiling at him, cos we planned not to know each other when i reported to work there. Another friend, alai Ahha were there too, he was in the same building with me at BSB. Same thing jua, kami eksen2 nda kenal each other.

After dari Old Airport, me and alai ahha then went mengupi at Ussof cafe, saja merelaxkan minda. Then balik tah kami. So thats about it lah my first day at work.. nuthing to do in the morning just sit down and chit chat with my boss and other office mate.

Till then.. adioosss..